Do kinky people get together?

By | June 1, 2016

There is no disputing that a lot of us are kinky. Statistics from the Testing the Waters tool show that 50-80% of both men and women are interested in rougher sex, handcuffing, 69ers, erotic movies, sex toys, and more. But interest in these topics is not universal. Some of us are kinkier than others. So given our different tastes and levels of exploration, do people with similar sexual interests typically end up together? By analyzing the results of Testing the Waters, we look to find out.

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The above chart shows the number of questions answered positively by each couple in Testing the Waters. This tool asks a variety of predominantly sexual questions, such as “do you want to experiment with a sex toy together?”, or “would you like to try a threesome?”. The bubbles along the diagonal indicate that both the man and woman had a similar level of kinkiness, and this is true of many couples. However, we see that a good many lie off the diagonal, and there are particularly substantial numbers in the bottom-right quadrant, indicating couples where the guy is kinkier than the girl. Let’s have a look at the specific questions on which couples most commonly disagree.

To start with, here’s a topic that is not polarizing: open relationships. As you’ll see in the chart below, 15% of couples are interested in experimenting with a strap-on penis, and 78% of couples are not. The striking statistic, though, is that this leaves only 7% of couples in which one person wants to experiment and the other does not. In other words, whatever your views on open relationships, there is a very good chance that your partner will share those views, making it the least polarizing question asked on the site.

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An example of a polarizing question is whether it would be fun for the guy to masturbate while the girl watches. Roughly equal numbers of guys and girls answered “yes” to this question, but in 22% of couples the man and woman did not see eye to eye.

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The most polarizing question of all: Whether the girl swallow after a blowjob. This question caused disagreement in 31% of couples, and not surprisingly it was almost always the guy who was keen on the idea. To be fair, almost half of girls were happy to swallow, and a full 69% of couples agreed on the issue. But at 31% disagreement, this was still the most polarizing question on the entire site.

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As it happens, the 5 most polarizing ideas were as follows:

  1. The girl should swallow after a blowjob.
  2. The girl should masturbate while the guy watches
  3. The guy should try coming on the girl’s face
  4. The girl should give the guy more instruction in bed
  5. The girl should perform a striptease for the guy

In all cases, it was the guy who was most likely to be keen, which is consistent with the first chart in this article. But considering that 31% was the highest level of disagreement, most couples do not have too much to worry about. In general, our sexual interests and desires are well aligned. Nonetheless, if you do hear your neighbours arguing late one night and you’re wondering who is refusing to do what, run through the above list through your head, and you might just be on to something.

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